Do People Ever Really Change?

Originally posted on 10/17/11

 

In the recent comedy flick Bridesmaids, two characters engage in a brief but hilarious exchange about whether people really ever change. The conversation is a thinly veiled competition over who is better friends with the bride-to-be. The lifelong friend, threatened and jealous of her friend’s new relationships and interests, insists that people don’t really change, but they grow and become better versions of themselves, remaining basically the same person they’ve always been. The new friend, a woman who has forged a relationship based on new shared interests, argues that all people change, and that growth is an indication that a person has left behind who he or she used to be in order to become a completely new and different person. The scene is funnier than I can convey here, of course, but the subject matter is worth considering.
So, can you change yourself and your life? If you do, are you becoming a better version of your true self? Or are you leaving behind the old you to become a new and improved you?
I believe that you can change. And for what it’s worth, I believe that when you change, you don’t just become a better version of yourself. I believe you become the pure, true, authentic version of yourself. There’s a difference.
Certainly we all wish to improve ourselves in one way or another–typical American values have us wanting to be richer, thinner, and more successful. At a deeper level, we may want to be better in our roles–a better parent, sibling, employee. Perhaps we strive for even greater and more significant change–to be more charitable, more confident, more honest, more loving, more productive, more satisfied.
Wanting these things is easy. Getting them takes work. And when we embark on a mission to get what we want–when we go from just wanting something to going after it–we demonstrate at a fundamental level who we are. If we want to be more loving, it means we already are loving. If we want to be a better parent or employee, it means we already are doing something right in those areas. If we act, if we are successful in making even small changes and improvements, we are moving toward becoming the truest, best, purest versions of who we already are.
But what if we want or need a life change that is so drastic that it feels like we will be giving up who we have always been? If you are unkind and you want to be kind, or you are unhealthy and you want to be healthy, or you are single and you want to be married and a parent…well, then are you burning yourself to the ground and building yourself from scratch?
While it may feel that way, I would like to suggest that you are actually just being more true to yourself and who you have always been when you move toward a significant change. You can shed the skin of unkindness that may have served you well in the past but is no longer getting you want you want and need. You can leave behind the burden of bad habits that once felt light but are now weighing you down. These things don’t make you who you are.
The real you, the pure you, the true you has been there all the time, and the moment you act to bring that person out into the light, you have proven who you really are. And that person is worth working on and sharing with the world.
Do you think people can change? Do you think people ever really do? Share your thoughts!

16 Responses to “Do People Ever Really Change?

  • admin
    5 years ago

    Original Comments (2)

    1. D said on 10/19/11 – 03:25PM
    I was just thinking of Bridesmaids today. Love the connections made here.

    2. Erin said on 1/11/12 – 05:49AM
    Hi Rachel! I loved this! I’ve been thinking about whether people can change a lot these days. I’ve been meaning to post but it feels weird to post and say that I’m not sure what I think :) However, I tend to agree with you and that people can change. I very much like the way you worded it – that when you change, you don’t just become a better version of yourself – that you become the pure, true, authentic version of yourself. You phrased it well. Thanks for posting about this topic. For me, it was perfect timing!

  • It’s a good post.

  • I’ve been absent for a while, but now I remember why I used to love this blog. Thank you, I’ll try and check back more often. How frequently do you update your site?

  • I leave a response when I like a post on a site or if
    I have something to contribute to the conversation.
    It is triggered by the sincerness communicated
    in the article I looked at. And after this post
    Do People Ever Really Change? | Protea Coaching.
    I was actually excited enough to post a comment 😉 I do have a few questions for you if it’s okay.

    Is it only me or does it look like a few of these remarks look as if they are left by brain dead visitors?
    😛 And, if you are posting on other social sites, I
    would like to keep up with anything new you have to post.
    Could you make a list every one of all your communal sites like
    your Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?

  • How do you construct an online internet site such as this?
    The design and style is good plus your content material reads flawlessly.

  • Hello there, just became alert to your blog through Google, and found that it is really informative.
    I’m going to watch out for brussels. I will be grateful if you continue this in future.
    A lot of people will be benefited from your writing.
    Cheers!

  • When some one searches for his essential thing, so he/she wishes to be available that in detail, so that thing is maintained over here.

  • This blog was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve found something
    which helped me. Cheers!

  • Awesome! Its truly remarkable article, I have got much clear
    idea about from this paragraph.

  • After exploring a handful of the blog posts on your website, I really like your technique of blogging.
    I book-marked it to my bookmark webpage list and will be checking back in the near future.
    Take a look at my web site too and tell me what you think.

  • I just like the helpful information you supply in your
    articles. I will bookmark your weblog and take a look at once more right here regularly.

    I’m quite sure I’ll learn a lot of new stuff proper
    here! Best of luck for the next!

  • My partner and I stumbled over here by a different website and
    thought I may as well check things out. I like what I see so i am just following you.
    Look forward to looking at your web page again.

  • It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d definitely donate to this fantastic blog!
    I guess for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account.
    I look forward to fresh updates and will share this website with my Facebook
    group. Talk soon!

  • Why users still make use of to read news papers when in this technological
    globe all is existing on net?

  • I’m able to go along with what some of the other
    posters have written on this site, but my viewpoint is surely a tad unusual.

  • Heya i am for the first time here. I found this board and I find It really helpful & it helped me out much.
    I am hoping to present something back and aid others such
    as you aided me.